Off to College

Today I sent my first child off to college. It was far less traumatic than I had envisioned. Probably the fact that she is within 20 minutes of our house has something to do with lessening my trepidation. I have learned a few things from the experience.

1. Do the orientations and tours together. It really helps both of you to be better prepared for what's ahead. I really didn't want to attend, since as a college professor I felt I knew the ropes already. I'm glad I went with her. It let me see the campus through her eyes and also showed that I was still there for her.

2. Shop early. I bought my daughter's dorm bedding and supplies a year in advance. I found the set she liked for 70 percent off in October last year. It took a lot of the pressure off knowing that she had everything she needed. Yes, I had to store the stuff, but it saved us a lot of money and last-minute stress. I also had purchased some basic school supplies. When she had a last minute panic over needing some notebooks, pens and paper, I was able to pull them out. Yet another stress averted.

3.  Let go of the apron strings. When I was at orientation, I overheard parents voicing concerns about curfews, student supervision, etc. It made me realize that parents often do not realize they have to let go of their kids. They are young adults. They get to decide when they go to bed, when they study, when they party, and a myriad of other choices. If you haven't prepared them in 18 years, they are not going to be prepared with more "smothering." These young adults will make both good and bad choices just like their parents. That's how we learn--trial and error.

4. Take care of finances early. Case in point for learning by trial and error. I did not do this one, which has made making the first payments on this endeavor a bit of a concern. Take care of this in the spring so it is all ready to go in the fall.

5. Make the student responsible. There is a huge temptation to do everything for your student, but that really doesn't help them. Let them fill out their own forms, handle registration, figure out textbook purchasing or rentals. They will have to do these things throughout their college careers, so it is best to learn how to do it right away. Sure you can give advice or information, but let/make them handle their college experience.

I'm sure I will learn more lessons as we go through this experience. For both my daughter and I, we will likely learn all of this through trial and error.